Some of my ancestors used to meditate/cleanse themselves in sweat houses and wait for signs. Unfortunately, I don't have a sauna.
I Do meditate though. I was prescribed a stress management class after I was diagnosed with Cancer. Yep, the big C. Not a big bad C, a little one, but C none the less.
I have decided at 33 years of age to start my life over. To cleanse my energy, my body and hopefully clear out a little dust from my mind.
See, me? I worry too much. According to my Uncle who passed away a few years ago I am "caught up in foolishness". I NEVER stop thinking- obsess much? I bought this book: Women who think too much- How to break free of Over-thinking and Reclaim your life by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema. Guess what- I kept forgetting to read the stupid thing b/c I was too da*n busy worrying.
This used to be a good thing. It was my job to worry. I had to worry so my clients didn't have to. I say WAS because I can't bring myself to go back to work. I have hooked up with another guy and we are splitting our commissions b/c I was AFRAID to go back.
Overnight I grew grey hair. Overnight I turned old. I lost my confidence in myself as a professional. And right now- I could care less. I'm over it.
I don't need to be seen as successful, important, or needed as a community member. Believe me, there are plenty self-absorbed, self-important asses to take my place in line at the podium to accept yet another useless crystal or wooden award for making a lot of money and really not much of anything else.
I am going to make a gratitude/relief list. A way to cleanse my energy.
(Yes people- I AM from California. Native through and through.)
As to grateful/relief
Grateful:
1. my children
2. finding the cancer in time
3. having my sisters live close
Relief:
1. I will release the fear that Uncle is upset at me for leaving the hospital before he died.
2. I will release the fear of not becoming a mother again
3. I will release the fear of not being seen as successful anymore
Grateful:
1. my children
2. finding the cancer in time
3. having my sisters live close
Relief:
1. I will release the fear that Uncle is upset at me for leaving the hospital before he died.
2. I will release the fear of not becoming a mother again
3. I will release the fear of not being seen as successful anymore
I am going to do this every day. I will release 3 fears and find something I'm grateful about to think of instead of beating myself up about something I can't change.
*Happiness is a choice~ every day is a day of joy if you choose to make it that way.*
I also may choose to be a cynical, sarcastic ass once in a while if that's what makes me happy too.
3 comments:
You inspire me. big C, little c - either way.
I am looking forward to following your journey of strength and inner peace. You are an amazing person.
And funny. I did chuckle over you not reading that book about worrying b/c you were too busy worrying- that sounds like something I would do!
I like the idea of releasing. Did I tell you my latest mantra -"Letting go is a process, not an event." I have to repeat that again and again. What the hell - I think it might be working.
I hope you'll keep blogging, woman. I want to be on this trip with you. Your friend, C1
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