Spill It

Time Has Come Today

This is a day when I think Einstein was a genius. Wait, he WAS a genius wasn't he? He had a theory that everything is happening simultaneously....... (When does a hypothesis become a theory? I just thought about my girlfriend's daughter who told me one time "Well if my hypotenuse is correct...") K- sorry- I digress.....

I know this isn't what the great wild haired fellow meant when he said everything is happening simultaneously, but things have just avalanched upon me. Excuse any grammatical errors or just plain rambling people- I am writing this @ 4am. But then again that is just what I normally do anyway. Ever take a class where they had you use the book The Artist's Way? Then you know what's going on here. Again... I digress....... Where was I?

Today is my 10th anniversary.

My son's class is putting on a puppet show this morning. At the same time I'm supposed to be in a committee meeting for the Post Adoption Agency I'm working with and it's in the neighboring county.

I plan to meet my husband for lunch on is lunch break and have the great mini van discussion again I'm sure.- romantic no?

Today the girls I have become quite attached to leave for the valley surely never to be seen again. They are moving into a respite home before moving into their new foster to adopt home. I'm having a hard time with that as they have been living with a woman up here for 8 months, why can't they stay with her until placement?

I had a little good bye affair for them last night. Only their departure could have taken seven children and three adults to the all you can eat night at the local pizzeria. I worked at the pre-school yesterday and "Star" was there for her last day. I observed her and could see that she was already starting to detach herself. How would I deal with moving to yet two more families after SEVERAL moves before at just 5 years old?

While at the pizza place I saw one of the most fractured people I have EVER seen. Maybe I have become hyper aware after the tragic, horrific events of this week but this guy's eyes were DEAD. Not just dead but CRAZY DEAD. Have you ever seen a video or picture of Charles M*ns*n? You know how his eyes are CRAZY? HE has life in them though, CRAZY SCARY life, but life. The guy last night was terrifying. I mentioned him to DH and he agreed. Neither of us could look at him- he was just too..... frightening.

All I can think of when I hear about the young man who caused such pain and suffering, is where were his parents? I have been unable to keep up with the constant stream of information etc. because it is breaking my heart. There is just too much, too much.

Saturday my youngest and I leave for the East Coast. Yes, we are going to see the girls. Me, for the first time, EB for the first time in four years. The trip, believe it or not kind of snuck up on me, or maybe I just kept pushing the "details" to the back of my mind as I waited until yesterday afternoon to book my hotel reservations for the "road trip" after our visit with our new family members in one of the tiniest states of the union. I'm not sure what EB is thinking. I've tried talking to him about things but a five year old with Apraxia and MAJOR modesty issues regarding his feelings is a hard nut to crack. He keeps asking me when we are flying to Russia. I've told him that we are staying in the US, I've showed him on a map, etc etc but he keeps telling me his sisters are in Russia. We made bead bracelets for the three of his sisters while in pre shcool one day and sent them through the mail. EB has one too. They will be wearing them to the airport. I though it would help him "know" them when they come to pick us up. I'm rather torn, I want to video the reunion but also don't want to trivialize or cheapen the moment by having a camera in the kids' faces when we meet at the airport. I KNOW I won't do it, but it is so tempting to document. I also would really like my DH to share the moment even though he can't be there. He feels as much for those girls and their connection to our son as I do.

I got an e-mail yesterday from my SW regarding our updated homestudy.

"We should have this wrapped up in a week or so and then I need you guys to come down on a Monday to look at child availables. Take care."

In a WEEK or so? Wrapped up? CHILD AVAILABLES!?!

Holy Cr*p! What have we done?!? I know this is a normal reaction. I felt it with my second pregnancy and our previous adoption. The reality. This is going to happen. Whoa! Am I ready to be a parent again? Well YEAH! You've been working on this for over two years now!!!! What did you think was going to happen? I know it is not going to be immediate but..... I'm so excited but scared.

One thing I'm unsure of is this.... I had to change a poopy diaper yesterday. Yes people I have changed a diaper before but let me tell you its been a few years. It felt very familiar but when I had everything set up and was ready to take the severely smelly diaper off I stopped..... Am I going to be doing this again? There was no smooth diapering routine done there let me tell you, it felt like a jerky robotic surreal event. It was just too weird. I just don't get it 'cause I have CERTAINLY changed my fair share of diapers people.

At least I'm in better shape than my 43 year old friend who is in the last weeks of a surprise pregnancy and just opened her dream restaurant last week while she's supposed to be on bed rest and has not EVEN set up a nursery yet. Talk about denial.

Well, I better get crackin' with the school lunches for today. There is not time to slake my thirst for my blog reading addiction, I feel so behind and uninformed on all of your lives.

We shall see if it is going to be another snow, hail, sun, rain everything at once weather day again.

Tick tock tick tock........TIME! (know the song?)