Ah! That was THE hardest thing I've had to do in a long time! Saying "No" just about killed me.
I wrote to the SW that without our own SW's assessment and some pre-placement meetings we would have to pass on the privilege of having those two children in our home.
This comes with a VERY well timed call from my vacationing SW saying that if these kids can't wait and we have reservations then "just say no!" That the behaviors I described to her in a message ARE worrisome and that she "WILL find a daughter for our family." She said it in a tone that I needed. Thank goodness for her.
The SW wrote back and said she appreciated our openness and honesty and that the children WILL be moved on Wednesday because of the attachment and bonding that is taking place on the part of the children in the home with the previous "adoptive parents" now "caretakers" of the children.
Maybe I am wrong, but isn't it a good thing that the children are attaching? Wouldn't it damage them to put them in a "respite" situation or yet another home where the potential adoptive parents are not fully informed?
I am afraid that the children will be even more damaged emotionally just because of our decision.
Thanks for your guys' support on this. I really needed it.
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5 comments:
I'm proud of you, cwmm. Very proud of you. I'm glad that your vacationing SW offered such good advice. Hang in there, sweetie.
It is terribly hard to say no. But you have to make the right decision for your family.
Wow, tough one! It must have been so hard for you, but if you believe that it was the RIGHT decision for YOUR family, then it IS THE RIGHT decision!
Hang in there....I know it is hard
Whew... I'm sure that was a tough decision. The situation sounded so chaotic.
Too often, us pain in the ass workers don't tell placements things!!
You made the right call. The worker should have been extremely forth-coming about the kids, especially given the amount of moves they have had. Without giving the whole story, she may be setting them up for disruption again, which is the worst thing she can do.
How can she even know a placement is a match without going over everything with the family to make sure they feel they can cope?
I still haven't heard anything from the baby's worker, but I figured as much would happen. I think she may be keeping me out of the loop b/c she doesn't want me to put my worker hat on and question anything.
so I just get my old co-worker to check things out for me! I am a cheater.............
The right fit will come along.
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