Thanks to the ladies that commented on my last post. I needed the support.
I'm thinking that this whole thing is just turning out to be a huge lesson in patience and humility.
Like Denise at Life With Ivan, pregnant women have surrounded me. EVERYWHERE I go I see women with bright shining faces and swollen bellies. I'm being inundated with e-mails that have pics of sonograms and newborns and baby clothes and happy siblings.
Unlike her, the mere presence of small children bring me to tears. It's like I'm going through the change. I run hot and cold.
One day I'm like "Ok, everything is good, look at the beautiful children I have. I am so lucky."
The next day I am either sad or really pissed off.
Every time I go to one of the advisory committee meetings or classes or get togethers in the adoption community I get asked:
"Have you heard anything? Get a call?"
All I can do is shake my head and try not to grind my teeth or start bawling like some calf.
At the Christmas get together a lady who has 11 kids said, "I hear they're placing babies here all the time." Well, I'm not licensed in this county. I've been working with an agency in a neighboring county since 2005 people. Not one fricking call.
I should say that yes, there has been one call, but not any after that. Until today.
Maggie suggested that I try other states. I went to AdoptUSkids and felt a pull toward a sibling set from Russia (disruption?). I impulsively clicked on the link "interested" and then shut down the computer. Guess what? Their SW called mine and asked for our homestudy.
I had a meeting with my SW today anyway (regarding something else besides adoption. Her kids go to the same school as mine.) and she told me that a SW called from across the country and was interested in my family. "What did you do?"
I went to the computer and showed her the kids. She looked at me like I was crazy. So, okay they're not in our age range. No, they're not girls. She smiled at me and called me a "trouble maker". But... but.....
I am so used to getting my way. To working my ass off to get what I have set as a goal. Well, how do you do that in a foster adopt situation? How can you work toward a child when I can't pass muster with the SWs for some reason.
I'm so sick of this pity party crap that I am writing.
I have filled out the foster parent paperwork (again) for THIS county and am waiting for the classes to take (again). Wanna come Denise?
I keep thinking that February will be the cut off. If I do not hear anything by then, foster mama it is. To hell with waiting for a "safe" placement.
Doesn't sound like I'm learning patience and humility does it?
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4 comments:
It seems like when you go through a local DHS/CPS office they really, really discourage going out of county much less out of state. I don't know if that's what you're facing but it seemed to be the case with other bloggers. Did the agency you heard from regarding the kids from Russia come out of Ohio? (That may not be where the child is, but the agency that's searching for a new placement.) I spoke to them several times and almost went forward with one little guy, but the fees they charged stymied me. (I was still financially recovering from my failed Russian adoption.)
We have a child from a disruption and it has been a little challenging, but mostly wonderful. If you end up "going" with this, I know a mom who has adopted two girls from disruptions and is doing really well....I also have some other wonderful resources. God bless you!
I am a new visitor here (thanks for your comment). I wish I had some advice, but unfortunately I have none. All I can say is that my thoughts are with you. Truly.
thinking of you, sweetie, and asking The Universe for your best and brightest good - and SOON!
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