DH and I are still seriously considering "moving on down the road". We can't leave our lives in limbo much longer. I certainly see the heartbreak in my children. I think I should have NEVER told them that a sister was in the works. Three years of waiting is just too long for a child. In fact it is now almost half of one of their lives.
DH asked the kids how they felt about a little baby coming into the home. One that would grow in Mommy's tummy.
I know, there we go again, bringing them in. I find it interesting that my kids see adoption as the FIRST option to becoming a parent, biology second. "If you can't adopt... you can always have one biologically."
Anyway, I thought they were going to die of excitement. The two oldest volunteered to change diapers and dress and feed....... Hah, if we DO have a child enter our lives this way I give the older kids ONE time changing a stinky poopy diaper. I doubt they'd volunteer again.
The two people I've mentioned having a baby to have reacted the same way.
"NO! No way!! Are you serious? Well, you better have one NOW 'cause your getting old you know."
Ummmm.... kind of the point. What a small little window of opportunity women have. It sure went by fast before I entered the "advanced age pregnancy" category.
I feel guilt ridden that I MAY have the option of pregnancy when so many DAMN FINE people are out there waiting for their little one to come to them from adoption- Another reason why we may pull out of Fos Adopt. California has one of the highest Foster Care populations in the US. If we need to wait this long to even be considered for a placement, maybe we should get out of the way of more deserving people. If there are that many childless/childfree (is that the right word?) couples waiting (and I'm telling you there ARE) I don't want to have them waiting behind ME because I thought that there were SO MANY kids out there who need good homes and are waiting so long (and G*d do I love kids)........We wanted to bring someone into our home that was "already here". We had such an AWESOME experience bringing our son home that we thought this was the right path. Then it has taken us since May of 2005 to even get to THIS point. I really doubt this adoption is supposed to happen.
Yet, in my heart, I KNOW I'm supposed to have one more child. I KNOW it. Isn't that weird? Then I think about some of the reasons we came to adoption in the first place, that there are ENOUGH people in this world. Here is a letter to Time magazine in response to their article regarding "The More The Merrier":
Have these people no understanding of the negative effects of having so many
children? Our planet is choking to death because of it's overburdened
by people, especially in the developed world. One Western child uses
30 times the resources a child born in a Third World country does. If
wealthy people are going to have larger families, they should be taxed
according to how much they burden the overall system. Instead we now
give credits for having children. If you love children and want a big
family, adopt someone already here.----- Jo Nol, West Simsbury,
Conn.
Now, while I don't agree with everything this person has said. I wonder if we are being completely selfish in this quest for another child.
5 comments:
Good luck on whatever path you decide.
Nope, not being selfish at all. Don't even go there.
You know, I thought of you yesterday. A friend of mine is trying to adopt from Taiwan's "waiting child" program- really its a foster care program. A lot of the kids in the system have the same sort of issues that US foster care kids do- and Taiwan doesn't have the same restrictions as China concerning prior or ongoing health concerns (she was ineligible for China because of a medical condition she has). Ever looked into it?
We are starting fertility drugs this cycle. I feel guilty about that, so I sort of understand where you are coming from. Why do I feel guilty? Well, I guess becaues the only reason I'm doing it is because if I get pregnant, we will have the second child we want for a whole lot less money and time spent. Sad isn't it? If I had an extra $45,000 sitting around, we'd be back on the Russian adoption route because that is truly where my heart is right now. But, seeing how we'll be paying off the first adoption for years to come, I don't see adoption #2 in the near future.
I'd say that maybe another international adoption would be a better option for you guys, but I know you've already sunk A LOT of money (not too mention time)in to both China and now domestic, so maybe that's not an option. I will throw this out there again though... Lighthouse could have you home with your daughter in less than a years time!! ;o)
If you choose to go biological... don't feel guilty!!! It's a wonderful gift. You are a GREAT Mom!!!! You need to do what's in your heart.
Carolyn,
Thanks for the suggestion. I have thought of Taiwan. In fact I looked into it before we started switching to Foster Adopt. I had thought I was done with International Adoption so we felt Foster Care was the right path for several reasons. One being we fell in love with two girls who were in the Foster Adopt program and the Prospective mom felt it wasn't working out. That didn't work out though. I just don't think I can start another program again. I just can't do it.
Denise-
Well.... we seem to be feeling the same way. Time and money. Time and money. Yep. As I am no longer "working" there is no way I can lay down that amount of cash again. Oh God how I wish I wouldn't of been so scared of the Russian Program when we started. We would have been done a LOOOOONG time ago. And I would have still had the cash to do it. AAAhhhh!
I will keep good thoughts going your way re: pregnancy.
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