I have a bone to pick with my mother. Ever since I told her that my kids are going to Waldorf School she has run hot and cold with me. She has now withdrawn again. When I say withdrawn I mean that she will talk to me in very short, very CONCISE sentences without looking at me. She will not acknowledge ANYTHING that I have to say. It's like having a conversation with a concrete wall (not even as colorful as brick).
She will get better after MONTHS and then bring up the whole subject again.
"You are doing a disservice to your children. They are smart and they need to be in a REAL school! It looks like Haight-Ashbury down there! Just a bunch of burned out hippies without REAL teaching credentials!"
It doesn't matter that most of the parents who send their children there are doctors, TEACHERS, professors and SUCCESSFUL artists. It doesn't matter that over 90% of the graduates finish University or have Masters Degrees. It doesn't matter that in the class that went to College last year one young lady got a full ride scholarship to Wellesley, or that many former Waldorf Students are making a difference in the world.
I try to show her things like this. SOME COMMENTS ON RUDOLF STEINER, ANTHROPOSOPHY AND WALDORF EDUCATION
So, the last time she brought it up several weeks ago, I just told her I wasn't going to discuss it again and that was that. She treats me just as she did when I was a child and now I feel like I shall throw up.
I have a feeling that it is not only our decision to send our children to Waldorf School but that we will be adding two more children to our family. I'm not sure where this is coming from as she told me when I was crying about having to pull our dossier our of China that there are MANY other children in this world who need parents. She is having a hard time with us "not having another one of our own" as she says. I know she loves my youngest son "as my own" and just as much as my biological children.
Is this a race issue? Is this a NUMBER of children issue? Is this because I am no longer working my rear end off so that they can have a third unit to their subdivision and ask me to cut my commission by more than half so I can totally burn myself out for their benefit? My doctor from STANFORD told me that I was NOT to fall into that much stress again or Cancer WILL arrive at my doorstep again.
Why is this bothering me? Why am I so hurt and in tears over her behavior? Why aren't I used to this by now? How can she make me feel so small and insignificant so quickly, by just a look or even NOT a look.
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4 comments:
I'm sorry.
You're a good girl.
Ok, I'm not a professional counselor. I've got a Art History degress, for Pete's sake. But, reading this, my instinct tells me that your mom doesn't know what to think, so she's lashing out at something that might feel safe (to her) to lash out at. Even though the school is perfect for you and for your family, she can aim at that target when maybe (again, my gut feeling) she'd rather bitch about the adoption (either race or otherwise). Maybe this whole thing scares her and she doesn't know how to react but she knows good and well that she can't rag/bitch/nitpick about that - too touchy of a subject. And (maybe?) she does want that third unit - but she knows that that isn't obtainable, so bitching and moaning about the Waldorf school will have to "do." Oh hell, what do I know? Just my W.A.G.
But what I do know, with certainity, is that you are a Kick-Ass, Rock-Star, heart of gold Mom. And she's just giving you another example of how NOT to be.
Keep your chin up. Be proud of the Mom and woman and wife you are; give the daughter role a breather for now, eh?
peace, sweetie. Wishing you peace.
It sounds like its hard for your mother to accept you completely as an adult, an equal who can make her own decisions about her family. Some people can't ever get passed their own perspective.
She's your Mom. Be patient with her. But the problem is hers, not yours.
Hm... THIS Dr. Laura would say that there is no real use in concentrating on Mom... The only person you can influence or control is yourself. And, why do YOU need mom's approval so much? Easy for me to say, I guess. My mom errs deafeningly on the side of never giving an opinion about anything I do. I know she is trying not to interfere, but the result is, oddly, that I feel a little estranged from her. THough I guess I don't need her to tell me that she thinks I work too hard, have a lazy husband, or too many kids, or am weird to be Catholic - or whatever (really no idea) it is. Maybe she thinks everything I do is just perfect. Anyway.... YOU know the school is a good one. She probably just has lovely memories of being in school herself, or you being in school... memories that don't "fit" with the Waldorf School.
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