Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!

School for the youngest two has been cancelled. I am to work this afternoon. Hopefully Daddy will get home in time from work to take over.

The market is starting to move finally. Things have just been in limbo really since the end of November. Just a few things going on for me. Just saw that the last quarter of last year was the third highest pace on record for home sales. That is nationwide. Here locally the December stats were down. In 2004 residential sales were 78, in 2005 they were 59. Hmm. The median price went up though, from $287,500 in 2004 to $365,000 in 2005. There are 275 real estate agents in the county right now. Yeesh. 59 homes sold for 275 realtors in December.

Have not received our I-171-h yet. Hope to soon! Want to get those papers off my desk and closer to our daughter.

My best friend tried to kill herself a couple of weeks ago. This has been weighing heavily on my mind. She is all the way on the east coast. I have only been able to speak with her once since she attempted this but..... I just wish I could do something. I know I can't "fix" her. I can't even fix myself for crying out loud but... there has to be something that I can do!

Have been asked to be on the advisory committee for the local adoption support group. Don't know what I'll be able to advise about but I would be very happy to be more a part of the adoption community.

I feel so torn all the time. I like my job but I LOVE my family. I want to be able to spend more time with them. I know that Hubby and I spend a lot of time with our children, especially with no TV while they are awake, I feel that it is still not enough! NOT ENOUGH. Their childhood is speeding by. Soon they will be off to school, leaving me behind and I'm afraid I will be standing there in stupefaction wondering what the heck happened. Just yesterday Johnny was born! Really it is 7 years ago! I have been working myself silly but it seems like I am getting nowhere. Dentist and Doctor bills are piling up this year. New school fees. Hubby not really contributing to household income. All goes to his business right now. I am going crazy with worry. The thought of abandoning California is constantly lingering in the back of my mind.

A larger house, a slower pace. Anything to spend more quality time with my children and take better care of me. Maybe I'm being maudlin because a co-worker just pulled a gray hair out of my head yesterday. I still feel the same as I did when I was 20, a little smarter maybe, but now.... glasses, gray hair, metabolism slowing down, overnight I became my mother. Not really even that. My mother looks better than me! She was a stay at home mom. Her husband provided for his family. She has had no worries since she was 27 years old. Ok, I'll stop feeling sorry for myself now.

It is just that... I keep waiting for something to happen. Do you ever feel that way? I know you just can't wait, you have to take the steps but... wouldn't it be so much better and EASIER to have it just HAPPEN? Somebody or something else make the decision for you and lead the way? Why don't more people live their dreams? Too scary? Too hard?

"Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it." - Goethe

And then keep at it until you succeed.

Easier said than done, no?