I have not posted for a while; A true post anyway, as I really have nothing to say.
I've been wanting to write about the picnic but with my blog loading oh, so incredibly slow and I have no idea why- etc., etc., etc. ........
We just haven't been "picked".
I've been e-mailed the last month about horrible severe situations, most that we've said: "Please send in our homestudy".
All to no avail. We never hear about that child or children again.
The woman DH calls the "dragon lady" has already signed with another agency, finished her homestudy and had several meetings about potential adoptive placements. WTF??
She has had children taken from her and put into group homes, she's rejected children and disrupted two adoptions and has moved from agency to agency and STILL they are sending her children to consider.
She stopped by to tell me this the other day because I haven't been returning her calls.
Now she wants to go to this other thing that DH and I are going to that is just for families and social workers to get to know each other. Yeesh.
I hope the "dragon lady" who is so overpowering and manipulative stays the hell away from us.
Again, it is hours away to this meeting that lasts for an hour. It will be an all day thing for us.
Do you guys have any suggestions? I am going to put a little booklet together about our family with some pictures to give to SW's but what to do to be remembered well but not be remembered as a terribly desperate woman or a shy freak.
I hear this voice saying "You should have taken the first two."
Truthfully, it's only been three months since we've signed our homestudy
(this particular one at least)
I look at the local county Foster Parent Application sitting on my counter and wonder if I should just fill it out but then I hear the moderator's voice in the last post adoption support meeting saying that she thinks her biological and adopted children were harmed psychologically with the foster children coming in and out of the house all the time. They became afraid to bond with the kids as they would just be leaving. She works in mental health. I think I should listen to her.
Another reason I've stayed away..............
I need to keep moving forward. I just can't stew in my own neediness.
I did make a big leap and buy a crib mattress today, maybe if I just believe and prepare for a child it will happen.
See? Told you I sound like a desperate freak. I make myself sick!!!! My father-in -law says "Why don't you just have one of your 'own'". Ah! I want to kill him.
5 comments:
We were told to take a foster placement after a YEAR of hellish waiting for a match. That placement is ending next week, it's been a NIGHTMARE and I would not recommend it. My sister's good friend is head of the department in her state and he said it's torture for bio kids who form closer bonds than the adults do, then don't have stable adult (because they are grieving) when they need them.
I don't know what the solution is to getting a referral. It's been 2 1/2 years now for us without one. I have heard that getting your name out there is helpful. Someone suggested making a one page intro with ONE family pic and sending it to every adoption supervisor in the state. I would do that.
I think the Dragon Ladies of the world get what they want because they are so well known.
And my adoption worker told me just to have another baby of my own! I know that I can (and right now we are!) but that wasn't very helpful, and certainly didn't help us meet our goal!
None of these roads are easy to travel.
I pity the children who end up in DragonLady's care.
Yours are out there, I'm sure. We considered fostering but our primary reason for not doing so is the welfare of our kids. Maybe one day when they're much older.
Wow, not an easy time for you and yours. I am a new reader so I am not aware of the history...but have been down similar roads. As a South African though it is very easy to adopt a child of a different race; however many wait years for white children. And even bring in kids from other countries. Cant help but be sad about that.
I am on the TOTAL other end of the foster care and sibling argument. Many of the foster parents I worked with said it was a great experience for their children as long as they were up front with them and their expectations. They learned to appreciate things, to share, to feel empathy.
Going into foster care is a crapshoot for adoption, but even if you don't get to adopt think of the good you'll be doing that little one in the meantime.
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