Reunion - Relative Choices - Adoption - Opinion - New York Times Blog

November 20, 2007, 9:52 pm

Reunion

By Lynn Lauber

In the shady side yard of the adoption equation are birth mothers — silent, mostly invisible women who have given up their children without fanfare and often with considerable grief.

Adoptive babies aren’t hatched in factory farms or dropped from the sky straight into the laps of happy families. They are born by real women — often without counseling, legal advice or public acknowledgment. The bond that is broken at birth has real costs, for adoptees as well as their relinquishers. It is not a simple, sterile transaction, but one awash in blood.

In the late 1960s, when I was pregnant, the United States’s adoption process was secret and punitive. In the religious maternity home where I spent six sodden months, a dose of guilt was dispensed with the daily vitamins: I was bad and should be punished; that was the message up and down the line, and I registered it with my tender antennae. I was meant to swiftly sail through “delivery,” as if it were the tonsillectomy I’d had as a girl. But I remained conscious for long hours as my body initiated a process that startled me with pain and awe. It was only during labor – under lights and woefully ignorant — that the real drama being enacted inside me was finally revealed. This was no impersonal mound of flesh I’d been carrying but a kicking life, fighting to emerge. And it had come from me, who was barely finished myself. But that this child was of me — a continuation of a theme, a chip off a block, an apple near a tree — was a truth that was smothered.

I was strongly discouraged from seeing the daughter I bore on that July day that seemed to stretch .....




Reunion - Relative Choices - Adoption - Opinion - New York Times Blog

The Nine Year Change

My oldest son will be 9 years old in June. He has suddenly become critical and somewhat moody. I am so glad that I have articles like this one to turn to.

This article by Rahima Baldwin Dancy on "Parenting the Nine Year Old" describes the developmental changes of the nine-year-old child and how parents and Waldorf education meet this psychological stage. It first appeared in Mothering, Summer, 1989.]

Parents of nine year olds often wonder, "What is happening to my child?" Children at this age can become very critical and argumentative, or very moody and withdrawn. Nightmares, irrational fears, headaches and stomachaches often arise. Some children feel as if no one at school likes them, or others become suddenly self-conscious about being rich, poor, or otherwise "different." Parents may be accused of being unfair or of not understanding, as the child rushes off and slams his or her door.

Searching for an explanation for the changes in behavior, parents sometimes blame a new teacher, a recent move, changes in the family such as separation or the birth of a sibling, or simply "growing pains". An understanding of what is actually taking place can help us avoid needless worry and provide the support and guidance that children need during this time.
What is Happening? The special needs of the nine year old are the result of an important change in consciousness that marks the end of early childhood and the transition to a new developmental phase. Rudolf Steiner, the founder of Waldorf education, states, "In the ninth year the child really experiences a complete transformation of its being, which indicates an important transformation of its soul-life and its bodily-physical experiences."

Earlier, before the age of five or so, the child has a dreamlike state of consciousness in which the outer world and inner experience end to flow together. Outer events are not "observed," but are deeply taken in through unconscious imitation. Whereas babies learn nearly everything through imitation, kindergarten-age children continue to imitate many aspects of their world, such as the movements of the teacher or parent.

The Informed Family Life

To read the rest, click on the link above.

Walternatives- Sorry about the link missing- I've been counting too many raffle tickets the last few days for the school auction. It's there now. ;-)

Need a Laugh?

So with State of Everything.... I think I need a little laugh, do you?

1. This quote by Bill Clinton:

"This is still the greatest country if we just steel our wills and lose our minds."

2. Arkansas Survivor:

Click on Witch on White Mountain's Blog A pink Volvo with New Jersey plates?

3. Please tell me that Californians are not the only one who get the Blue Dress Girl's body language before they explained it? Quite dorky but it cracked me up.

Learning Body Language Video

Anti-Racist Parent Blog

I cannot express to you how amazing and IMPORTANT this blog is.

Here is an excerpt:

"White parents of white children on some level do have a choice; as the perceived-if-not-actual representatives of the human standard of culture and living in the U.S., white people often are not confronted for being “of their race” on a daily basis and frequently do not have to deal with racial issues unless they find themselves in a situation or forum in which POC perspectives are a part of the dialogue, if not the dominant point-of-view. Even then, white folks can stay out of the conversation—and believe me, many POC folks don’t want you comment because they fear that you will try to usurp the discussion. "

Please click on the above link. This is important whether or not we have a child of color.

I'm in a Time-Out

I'm leavin' Cali for Texas. Goin' to see Grandma.

While I'm gone chew on this stuff. Yep Steph- I'm the Link Queen!

Happy Festive Occasion to ya'll!

A Cool Place to Shop for your Youngin' = Nova Natural Toys & Crafts

Thank You for the Phallic Toy Alert My Pre-Midlife Crisis

All I have to say is "Yeesh Almighty"

November News from Love Without Boundaries

The Dave Thomas Foundation

A New Face and Profile Emerge on Adoption

thank you
The Philadelphia Enquirer

Good Bye Mr. Altman

I Love NPR

Grandma's Veggies May Have Been More Nutritious

Popular Belgian Party Rejects Multicultural Society

Americans and African Adoptions
& Adopting a Baby from Africa, Famous or Not

Did you know that there has never been an International Symbol for Breastfeeding until now?

In Search of an Icon: Breastfeeding Symbol Contest

And last but certainly not least: The Turkeys are Fighting Back!!

When Turkeys Attack: Bostonians Battle Wild Birds

It just never ends

I am so moved by this post written by Steph of The Princess Shine Pages-

I know so many of us have felt this way.

Some Answers but More Mystery

Got the letter back from the translator today. We were ALL excited to get it. It is like hearing from a long lost relative. Well, I guess you could say that she IS! In parts of the letter it was like stepping into my son's previous life. The good part.

"It is raining here, the real autumn has begun. We will soon harvest potatoes."

Today is my son's birth-sibling's birthday- or maybe I should say yesterday was- the time change you know. We will get a picture of him taken on this day. My son is very excited. He has shown me where he wants the picture on his wall.

I am a little confused re: my son's sisters. The letter is from ONE of them. So maybe it is so- only three of the older girls were adopted. The three in the picture that I have. Yes, I have a picture of three of "EB's" sisters in America w/ an American couple. They have been there with the same family at least twice according to their Babushka. I have been assured over and over by my agency that they have been adopted. There seemed to be some question when I got the report from my searcher. I think it may be b/c one sister is still in Russia and the others are not. They were in a Children's Home in the city of Pokrov, Russia.

Natasha, whom I wrote about before is going to help me with writing to the proper authorities in Russia to try and get word to the girls adoptive parents to let them know where "EB" is. There is no way I want to interfere in their lives, I just.... want these kids to know where each other are and that they are safe and loved.

Travels

Ok so last one ok?

Click on the link above.... Scroll down to the last pic.........



Hahahaha! Cracked me up!!! I know, I'm totally immature.

This couple are traveling around the world before they "get old and have kids".

Bashang Grasslands - Hebei province - China

Oh! This area is just beautiful! I am going to borrow one of Justin's pictures to show you just a smidjin of what he found there. If interested click on the Title of this post and be transported to Hebei Province where he is visiting.