Save Orphaned Siblings

S.O.S. is a non-profit organization committed to maintaining relationships between our internationally adopted children and their siblings that were left behind. We encourage adoption when appropriate, but also work to raise awareness about the plight of orphaned siblings and how to create alternatives to adoption in order to foster sibling relationships, when adoption is not feasible.



Save Orphaned Siblings

Birthfamily / Orphanage Search Outcome

I want to post an e-mail sent to Tony and Tanya Carruthers (the searchers who found my son's birthfamily- link to right "Post Adopt Birthparent Seek") by a young lady who was adopted from Russia and now lives in the US. She has given me permission for this post. Many people often wonder how a child will feel about receiving this kind of information. This may be a little window into our children's soul.


seek, search, & sometimes find

Posted by: "evana"

Mon Jan 14, 2008 7:53 pm

For what reason do we seek, search, & sometimes find? Perhaps for A little piece of mind, or to

discover some sort of truth. I got a chance to find some answers & take a glimpse back in time.

Time and a place i thought no longer existed. like a far, desolate place i would never find.

People that i would never get to see again, memories(vague) i wouldn't be able to

validate/confirm... However the case is, i did find those answers, i found some answers to my

past. Answers to some often pondered questions.With the gracious help of Tony & Tanya, they

found the orphanage i grew up in. They found what i could call "home" for the first 7 years of my

life, and discovered some valuable info. They discovered the orphanage still stands today and

continues to serve needy children, with the help of some dedicated staff. I was surprised to hear

that a few of the staff that took care of me (15+ years ago) still continue to work there today.

Even better, they remembered me!! I honestly didn't even think the orphanage would stands

today. I guess I'm just so use to this fast paste, always changing, culture of America. It was so

comforting/great to see it all again, though. One day soon i would like to go see it for myself. Just

to be back there, i feel it is so much needed.I'm also happy i got out when i did though. I don't

think most of the kids ever get adopted, and I'm sad to wonder what happens to them after they

reach the prime age. Anyway, thanks Tony & Tanya!!

Evana


I also want to clarify that Mary at Russian Search/Translation/ Call Service (link to right) helped me find my son's last sister that was not found on the first search.

Two Letters, Two Countries, One Family

Its an adventure opening my mailbox these days. Scattered among the bills and sale ads are postcards from Postcrossing, movies borrowed from Netflix and just yesterday two letters from our ever growing family.

Ian's sister Natasha sent us a letter enclosed with two Russian stamps and a picture. I am happy to post that her "new" mother, who is also named Natasha, and her new Babushka are pleased as punch to have her with them. I am grateful to know Natasha is happy, healthy and in a loving home.

Ian's other three sisters also wrote a letter filled with drawings and accompanied a box full of cookies made by their own hands. I am so thankful that their mother and father are willing to put up with me in their lives.

It is a bit harder to contact Ian's birthmother but we do get a letter here and there sent to her. We hear more from his Grandmother in Russia. In fact she sent a message through Yulia, the oldest sister who lives in Delaware, for Ian to send pictures to her.

I feel a little lost regarding Ian's younger brother that is still with his birthmother. Ian asks after him quite a lot and has one of his pictures next to his bed, along with a picture of his three sisters in the USA and a pic of his sister still in Russia. He has told me that soon, there will be a picture of all of them together. He even has a specified space on the wall for this picture.

Its hard to explain to Ian why his brother is still with his birthmother while the rest of the children are scattered across the globe. Here is one article I have found regarding one sibling is placed for adoption while another is not.

The St. Petersburg Times - Giving Magazine 2007

True Story

Families Reunited

A website set up to help Russian children adopted by American parents find their original families has yielded emotional stories of families reunited. Here are some of them.

BY IRINA TITOVAStaff Writer



The St. Petersburg Times - Giving Magazine 2007

Russian School

The State News: Multimedia

Eight-year-old Zoya Shevchenko is one of about 15 students of Russian immigrant Natalie Smith who came to the U.S. in 2005 from Khabarovsk, Russia. Smith spends her time teaching Russian to adopted Russian children in Michigan. Apart from the challenges of learning the language, the transition into American culture also poses difficulty for the children.

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, birth defects at NOFAS

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, birth defects at NOFAS

delawareonline ¦ The News Journal, Wilmington, Del. ¦ Russian siblings reunited at last

delawareonline ¦ The News Journal, Wilmington, Del. ¦ Russian siblings reunited at last

Russia Allows Citizens Time Off to Have Babies as Underpopulation Worsens

Russia Allows Citizens Time Off to Have Babies as Underpopulation Worsens


Yeeesh!!!

Thanks for the link Russian Adoption DVA

Between this and the Youth Wedding Camps I'm just speechless.

Book Re: Psychology of Russian Orphans

Editorial Reviews

Book DescriptionPsychology of Orphans is written by Dr. Lyudmila Shipitsyna Rector of the Institute of Special Education and Psychology Saint-Petersburg, Russia. She has a Doctorate in Science and Biology and works
as an honored professor in this specialty in the Russian Federation.

Considered
an expert and pioneer in this field in Russia, she has authored over 400
publications. Today these books have formed the foundation in teaching on
special education within Russia and beyond. Psychology of Orphans is the
combination of written theory with the clinical practice and experience of
dealing with orphans, adoptions and families.

Psychology of Orphans was
written as a resource book for students, researchers, academics and
professionals. Those who work with orphans and families with special needs
children affected by social and psychological problems will find Psychology of
Orphans invaluable.

Any potential adoptive parent needs to know the research
and conclusions that Psychology of Orphans reveals. Question on children's
behaviors and actions are answered presenting a better understanding of those
from state institutions.
The exciting fact that sets Psychology of Orphans
apart from other books is that the research obtained is for the first time based
from within Russia.

Amazon Listing For This Book

I am appalled!!

Posted by: "Karen Holt" on a list serve I belong to.

Please read and write letters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Wed Jul 11, 2007 8:47 am (PST)

You have my permission to forward this post.

Many of you are familiar of the Masha Allen story.. the young woman who was adopted at age 5 from an orphanage in Russia by a single pedophile named Matthew Mancuso.

He sexually abused her and posted thousands of photos of her on many child pornography sites. She was rescued from his home after 5 years and has a new adoptive family. However she will always be victimized by the widespread distribution of the photos.http://www2.oprah.com/tows/slide/200601/20060117/slide_20060117_284_201.jhtml - interview on Oprahhttp://energycommerce.house.gov/reparchives/108/Hearings/05032006hearing1852/Allen.pdf - Congressional testimonyI just learned that Peter Sotos is publishing a book called "Show Adult" which is already listed for pre-sale on Amazon.com and Barnes& Noble.**Masha has not given permission for her story or photos to be used in this manner**Peter Sotos was the first American convicted of *owning* child pornography when he used images of children in his magazine "Pure". In this new book, he exploits Masha Allen's story, referring to her as a "child porn star" and celebrating the exploitation of Masha Allen by her adoptive father via the Internet.The ISBN is 9781840681482 for the paperback version of the "Show Adult" book which is listed for under $20 on B&N & AmazonYou can find more information about Peter Sotos and his 'work' here. If you wonder.. is this art or pornography, you can view the scans of the "pure" magazine. Links to the scanned pages are at the bottom of the Wikipedia. In the few pages I read, he glorifies the rape of a black woman. It is misogynist, racist writing, celebrating a restrained woman protesting her rape and sodomization. I am at a loss for words.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Sotoshttp://community.livejournal.com/peter_sotos/http://www.barnesandnoble.com/ (search Peter Sotos and/or Show Adult or 9781840681482)

http://www.creationbooks.com/frameset.asp?p=news.htmlhttp://www.amazon.com/ (search Peter Sotos and/or Show Adult or 9781840681482)I am shocked that B&N and Amazon.com would distribute this book, which like previous books, celebrates child pornography and sexual abuse of children.I am hoping you will join me in protesting its sale.B&N Comments:

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/help/customer_service/morehelp.asp?z=y Scroll down to "Still Nneed help?" and fill out the form Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/gp/help/contact-us/general-questions.html/102-8902132-111 6153?ie=UTF8&browse%5Fnode%5Fid=5085 Fill out the form~~~~Sample letter to consider sending Barnes & Noble and Amazon, as always composing your own letter is best.I am a longtime shopper at Amazon.comRecently I learned you are pre-selling a book called "Show Adult" by Peter Sotos, which includes pornographic photos and descriptions of Masha Allen, a minor. Masha was adopted at age 5 from an orphanage in Russia by a single pedophile named Matthew Mancuso. He sexually abused her and posted thousands of photos of her on many child pornography sites. She was rescued from his home after 5 years and has a new adoptive family. However she will always be victimized by the widespread distribution of the photos. (You can read about her interview on Oprah, and her testimony to congress)

http://www2.oprah.com/tows/slide/200601/20060117/slide_20060117_284_201.jhtmlhttp://energycommerce.house.gov/reparchives/108/Hearings/05032006hearing1852/Allen.pdf - Congressional testimonyI am shocked that you would sell the book Show Adult ISBN 9781840681482 . It is inconceivable that any responsible publisher, bookseller or retailer would continue to exploit child pornography victims like Masha Allen or for that matter allow a convicted criminal like Sotos to publish his sick and damaging thoughts and comments for other perpetrators to ponder. (Sotos was convicted of owning child pornography)**Masha has not given permission for her story or photos to be used in this manner**This is nothing short of promoting child pornography and enabling those who will be titillated by Sotos' disgusting memoirs and comments which can only act as incentive to other predators.Please reconsider the sale of such a damaging "book". It is irresponsible at best and knowing encouragement of child predators at worst. I, and many others will consider the fact that you sell this book when deciding where to purchase other items, and in particular Children,s items, books, games, toys, etc.


I am shocked that you intend to sell the book "Show Adult" by Peter Sotos ISBN 9781840681482 . a minor. Masha was adopted at age 5 from an orphanage in Russia by a single pedophile named Matthew Mancuso. He sexually abused her and posted thousands of photos of her on many child pornography sites. It isinconceivable that any responsible publisher or bookseller would continue to exploit child pornographyvictims like Masha Allen or for that matter allow a convicted criminal like Sotos to publish his sick and damagingthoughts and comments for other perpetrators to ponder. (Sotos was convicted of owning child pornography)(You can read about her interview on Oprah, and her testimony to congress)http://www2.oprah.com/tows/slide/200601/20060117/slide_20060117_284_201.jhtml http://energycommerce.house.gov/reparchives/108/Hearings/05032006hearing1852/Allen.pdf - Congressional testimonyThis is nothing short of promoting child pornography and enabling those who will be titillated by Sotos' disgusting memoirs and comments which can only act as incentive to other predators.Please reconsider the sale of such a damaging "book". It is irresponsible at best and knowing encouragement of child predators at worst. I am a long time customer of Amazon.comI, and many others will consider the fact that you sell this book when deciding where to purchase other books, and in particular Children's, books, games, toys, etc.Very truly yours,~~~~Another angle, Target sells via the Amazon site http://www.amazon.com/gp/help/customer/display.html/102-0108111-7112959?ie=UTF8& nodeId=743056 I was able to see the Show Adult book on the target store front, You can do the same thing here http://www.amazon.com/Show-Adult-Peter-Sotos/dp/1840681489/ref=sr_11_1/102-01081 11-7112959?ie=UTF8&m=A1VC38T7YXB528&qid=1184127066&sr=11-1 or merely go here to the target Store here and search using the ISBN 9781840681482 http://www.amazon.com/Target/b/102-0108111-7112959?ie=UTF8&node=1079726 contact Target here http://www.target.com/gp/help/display-contact-us-form.html?displayLink=oof~~~Office Depot partner store http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/browse/-/1064952/qid=sr=53-1/qid=1184128536 /ref=tr_88121/102-0108111-7112959 Show Adult on Office Depot store front http://www.amazon.com/Show-Adult-Peter-Sotos/dp/1840681489/ref=sr_11_1/102-0108111-7112959?ie=UTF8&m=A3T4TT2Z381HKD&qid=1184158115&sr=11-1 Contact customerservice@officedepot.com http://www.amazon.com/gp/help/seller/returns.html/ref=ms_mhelp_return?ie=UTF8&seller=A3T4TT2Z381HKD ~~~More Amazon Partners (scroll to the bottom)http://www.amazon.com/ http://www.amazon.com/gp/help/customer/display.html/102-0108111-7112959?ie=UTF8& nodeId=468606 ~~Sample letter to consider sending to Target & Office Depot, as always composing your own letter is best.Target has a partner relationship with Amazon.comI am a longtime shopper at Target stores in person and on-line, and a long time customer of Amazon as well.Recently I learned Amazon is pre-selling a book called "Show Adult" by Peter Sotos, which includes pornographic photos and descriptions of Masha Allen, a minor. Masha was adopted at age 5 from an orphanage in Russia by a single pedophile named Matthew Mancuso. He sexually abused her and posted thousands of photos of her on many child pornography sites. She was rescued from his home after 5 years and has a new adoptive family. However she will always be victimized by the widespread distribution of the photos. (You can read about her interview on Oprah, and her testimony to congress)http://www2.oprah.com/tows/slide/200601/20060117/slide_20060117_284_201.jhtmlhttp://energycommerce.house.gov/reparchives/108/Hearings/05032006hearing1852/Allen.pdf - Congressional testimonyI was able to find that book for sale on the TARGET storefront!!!!!!!!!!http://www.amazon.com/Show-Adult-Peter-Sotos/dp/1840681489/ref=sr_11_1/102-0108111-7112959?ie=UTF8&m=A1VC38T7YXB528&qid=1184127066&sr=11-1I am shocked that they (and you by association) would sell the book Show Adult ISBN 9781840681482 . It is inconceivable that any responsible publisher, bookseller or retailer would continue to exploit child pornography victims like Masha Allen or for that matter allow a convicted criminal like Sotos to publish his sick and damaging thoughts and comments for other perpetrators to ponder. (Sotos was convicted of owning child pornography)**Masha has not given permission for her story or photos to be used in this manner**This is nothing short of promoting child pornography and enabling those who will be titillated by Sotos' disgusting memoirs and comments which can only act as incentive to other predators.Please reconsider the sale of such a damaging "book", and your partnership with Amazon.com if they continue to marker this bookIt is irresponsible at best and knowing encouragement of child predators at worst. I, and many others will consider the fact that you sell this book when deciding where to purchase other items, and in particular Children,s items, books, games, toys, etc.

Found Her

The last one still in Russia. Isn't she beautiful?

EB Spontaneous?

This August our youngest will be with us for 3 whole years. Today I received my first spontaneous ENTHUSIASTIC hug. I am so moved by this. EB still disassociates when strangers talk to him and sometimes when extended family try to guide him. There is still work to be done.

But....... he has always been so compliant and kind of... just there when I hug him. He's obviously enjoyed it most of the time but this is the first time there was a smile, a jump jump and run into my arms, a tight, tight hug with a growl. He is free to love. He is free to love me.

Today I went to the conference I posted about earlier. What an amazing woman and program. I highly recommend the book Debbie Riley wrote and will also try and post what I came out of this class with. This is truly changing my life and setting me in a direction to grow and MAYBE specialize in.

Good day to you all and I want you commenters to know I appreciate every word you post. I know I've been a bit of a flake on the blog but it has been a time of great growth and soulful awakening for me. I hope your journey's are smooth and I also hope to catch up with you soon.

http://www.themoscowtimes.com/stories/2007/06/08/003.html

Friday, June 8, 2007.

Thousands of Babies Left in Hospital Limbo

By Svetlana Osadchuk Staff Writer

photoOne of the rejected babies looking out the window at the Pskov hospital.

Seven hours after Kristina Smirnova, 17, gave birth to her son, the doctor came into her room and said she should hand the baby over to the state. "The baby is ill. He will not live more than a week. I think signing rejection papers is the only wise thing for a girl like you to do," the doctor said, Smirnova recalled.

Smirnova had the baby at the Motorshchiki maternity ward in the east Siberian city of Barnaul on the morning of Oct. 31, 2005. She had no identification papers, no relatives, no place to live and no money. She had spent the last year living with her boyfriend, the baby's father, but he broke up with her when he learned that his son was ill.But Smirnova refused to sign the rejection papers, sparking a 2 1/2-month struggle to prevent the boy from joining thousands of babies caught in a hospital limbo.

The babies, usually referred to as otkazniki, live in almost every children's hospital in the country. No accurate figures are kept because the babies themselves do not officially exist. The babies are only counted once they are moved to orphanages -- a process that by law should take no more than four months but in practice can take several years. While they wait, they are often neglected and sometimes abused. Hospital staff commonly advise mothers who are single, very young or struggling financially to give up their babies, even those who are healthy

photoSmirnova holding her son, Vladimir, whom doctors advised her to give up.

"If Beethoven's mother had been in one of our hospitals, they would have told her to give him up because she was from a poor family and ill with tuberculosis," said Igor Beloborodov, head of Maternity and Childhood Protection, a nongovernmental organization.

Mothers of sickly babies often heed the hospital staff's advice, including about 85 percent of those whose children are diagnosed with Down Syndrome, said Sergei Koloskov, head of the Down Syndrome Association. His wife was told to leave their daughter, Vera, at the hospital when she was diagnosed with the genetic disorder. She refused.

Ten years ago, Moscow health officials advised city maternity wards not to discourage new mothers by telling them that they would be unable to care for their babies. But that has not changed what people say privately.Smirnova was released from the Barnaul hospital after a week, but the baby was kept in intensive care. Each time she returned to check up on him, she was urged to sign the rejection papers."Doctors, nurses and even cleaning ladies told me that I was stupid to ask for my baby back," Smirnova said during a recent visit to Moscow to get medical treatment for her 19-month-old son.

Even though she had never seen the baby, she gave him a name -- Vladimir. The boy was the only relative she had in the world, she said. Her mother and grandmother died in her home village of Gordeyevo when she was 14. She tried for a few months to live with her father, who had divorced her mother and lived in another town with a new wife and their children. "I was a burden for them. I came back to my village and stayed with friends," she said. She met Vladimir's father in the neighboring village of Belmesevo, and they fell in love. Smirnova said she thought he was a reward from heaven for the loneliness she had felt after her mother's death. Many young women who give up their babies share similar stories, Beloborodov said. They are from poor families and are in relationships where they sought a substitute for parental love. They often live with landlords who would evict them if they had a baby. In Moscow, many babies are given up by mothers who came to the city from the regions seeking a better life, Beloborodov said.

The procedure to give up a baby is simple, said a spokeswoman for the family, maternity and childhood department of the Health and Social Development Ministry. A married or single mother just needs to write a statement on a blank sheet of paper that she wants to put her child up for adoption for financial reasons or "difficult family circumstances," the spokeswoman said. After the statement is signed, the child usually is placed in the nearest children's hospital until all bureaucratic procedures are completed.

About 460 rejected babies live in hospitals in the Moscow region and 250 live in hospitals in the Sverdlovsk region, according to a presidential administration report on child welfare issues. The internal report dated April 2007, a copy of which was obtained by The Moscow Times, gave no figures for other regions."The development of orphanages is neglected in many regions, so rejected babies are kept in hospitals too long," the report said. "As a result, they are deprived of walks outside and lie in bed for months. They are delayed in their mental and physical growth."In Yekaterinburg, the capital of the Sverdlovsk region, only about 20 of the 90 children living in hospitals are sick, said the city's health department.

Two cases of abuse have made national headlines this year. Yekaterinburg prosecutors opened a criminal investigation in January into a nurse suspected of taping babies' mouths shut to stop them for crying at the city's Infectious Diseases Hospital No. 15. In March, prosecutors in Orekhovo-Zuyevo, a town 85 kilometers east of Moscow, began investigating a hospital where children were tied to their beds with sheets. In both cases, hospital patients photographed the abuse with their cell phones and the pictures were shown on state television.The rejected babies are a burden to the children's hospitals, said Boris Altshuler, who advises ombudsmen Vladimir Lukin on the problem. Most hospitals do not allocate money to feed them or hire nurses to care for them. That means nurses typically visit their rooms three times a day -- to feed them and change their diapers. Some hospitals don't even have diapers, so the babies lie in wet sheets for hours, Altshuler said. Feeding is also a problem. Nurses rarely have time to hold a bottle of milk for each baby, so they put bottles into the babies' mouths and leave them; if a bottle falls out, the baby goes hungry. When mothers visiting their own children in the hospitals try to pick up the babies, they are often told, "Don't touch them. They will then get used to being touched and will cry after you leave," Altshuler said.Since hospitals are closed institutions in Russia, volunteers are not welcome as they are in the West, said Nadezhda Davydova, who volunteers at several Moscow hospitals under a special agreement with administrators. "The administration has no right to let in sympathetic people," she said. Davydova said she, other volunteers and children's rights activists were lobbying the government to place the babies in foster families and get them adopted.

"It is naive to think that the problem is bad nurses all around the country," Davydova said. In a rare exception, a Christian charity is paying for a new hospital ward for 40 rejected babies in the city of Pskov, about 20 kilometers east of the Estonian border. Initiative Pskov, a Protestant-sponsored group, is also covering the salaries of a team of specialists to care for the babies and help place them in families.By law, the babies can be adopted while still in the hospital. But information about them is entered into a national adoption database very slowly and is often incomplete.

Two years ago, prosecutors in the Altai republic fined a social services official for failing file information about a baby who had lived at a hospital for 18 months. Some children never recover from their months in the hospital without someone to walk them, talk with them and hug them, Altshuler said."When the time comes to decide whether to place them in a regular orphanage or one for the mentally disabled, they are at risk of being placed in the second. This means they will never go to a regular school," Altshuler said. Smirnova only got her son, Vladimir, out of the hospital when a friend helped her obtain a passport and rent an apartment. She receives 3,000 rubles per month from the state to care for the boy, who has neurological and heart problems. Doctors still advise her to give him up.Smirnova recently invited another young woman, Nastya, to move into the rented apartment with her. Nastya's sad story mirrors her own. She is expecting her child in August.

Hope Fades for Reuniting Siblings

By Wendy Koch, USA TODAY

Time has run out for a family who sought special permission to adopt the older sister of their Russian son.

"Everything was denied," says Joan Knipe, the Scottsdale, Ariz., mother who asked the Department of Homeland Security for what is called "humanitarian parole" so Olga, the sister, could enter the USA.

The government grants that special kind of visa in rare cases for what it calls a "very compelling emergency."
Olga needed to be in the country by Friday, her 22nd birthday, to be eligible for adoption in Arizona.

FIND MORE STORIES IN: Hope Department of Homeland Security Joan Knipe Olga

"It's over. She's completely aged out," says Knipe, whose adoptive son Ruslan, 13, yearns for his big sister. "It's tough for the family."

In a story last month, USA TODAY reported the efforts of Knipe and other parents to reunite biological siblings torn apart by international adoption.

Dozens of families have joined a non-profit group, Save Orphaned Siblings, to press for a change in immigration law, such as a visitor program, that would allow brothers and sisters to see each other for a few months each year.

"There may be a pathway in the immigration bill" now pending in the Senate, says Maureen Flatley, a Boston-based adoption policy consultant who is advising the families. She plans to discuss such a program, aimed at children under 18, with members of Congress.

"The kids are in limbo," Flatley says. She says U.S. adoption agencies have not done enough to keep siblings together, and now families are facing more obstacles in trying to adopt the siblings.
Russia is putting a hold on most adoptions by not renewing the licenses of American adoption agencies since issuing new, more demanding rules last year. China tightened eligibility, beginning this month, of Americans who can adopt. Guatemala received a U.S. government warning in March for suspected fraud and child smuggling. Those countries account for 70% of orphans who have come to the USA for adoption in the past five years.

Knipe and her husband, Steve Pettyjohn, say they would have adopted Olga Lukinova at the same time they adopted Ruslan four years ago, but they didn't know about her until too late in the process. They have since tried but failed to get tourist or student visas for her.
Olga looked after her brother for years in the orphanage after their birth mother died. To give him a better life, she signed off on his adoption.

Knipe says Olga is sickly and lives in a rural village in a condemned building without running water. She says she hasn't been able to reach Olga yet to tell her the final application was denied because phone lines are often faulty in the area.

Knipe says she will try to call again Friday, Olga's birthday.

Searching Again for Lost Sibling

The amazing events of the last few weeks have pushed me even harder to find the one sister unaccounted for. The searcher is leaving in the morning to research the two children's home's we have heard where she may be at. Keep your fingers crossed people.

Together Again

Not quite all the kids together. I'm still looking for one sister. The little brother is still with the Birthmother as far as I know. I'm sending this pic to Russia ASAP.

Will write more later.

Isn't this picture just beautiful? What happiness on those girls' faces.

Re: Russian Adoption, Agencies Working In Specific Oblasts

If you are trying to find a sibling or would like to adopt from the same Region of Russia as your child, here is an updated list (as of 3/23/07) of agencies that are working in specific Areas.

Region/Agency List

Long Distance Relationships

I have spent the entire day on finding a way to communicate with my son's sister that is still in Russia. She doesn't live with her mother. She doesn't live with her father or grandmother. She lives in a children's home SOMEWHERE in the Vladimir Region.

I had to take a break after looking at more than 69 pages of children in the Russian Databank from the Region. That does NOT mean 69 kids. I think there were about 10 children on each page. The online translator did not work on the picture page. I had to cut and paste when I found a girl that was born the same year as "NC" was.

I have contacted Mary from Russian Family Search to help us. I say US because like some of you know, I finally found my son's other siblings in the US after a two year search. They want to contact NC as much as I do. Mary has said she will help us find her.

I have been in contact with my son's birthmother and grandmother in Russia. For some reason I haven't been able to find out which children's home she is in. Maybe they are afraid I will take her home to the US like the rest of the children. NC still goes home for visits.

I would have asked the original searcher that I used before, but with me starting the new BIZ I'm a little short o' cash at the moment. They are awesome but NOT CHEAP. I also don't know WHEN they would go, they have a waiting list. Mary's searcher just happens to be going soon.

So... trying to get this organized over the Internet hasn't been easy. The girls are on the East Coast. I am on the West. Mary is in the middle and none of us really have computers that work well with each other.

I have an idea that I know the home where she is... the earlier searcher has it in his report. The oldest sibling doesn't think NC could be there because her Mom told me she said it was a "bad" place. I am not sure which "bad" she is talking about.

Scanning, e-mailing, cut and paste, trying to read Cyrillic (that I'm starting to understand!), etc etc is time consuming and frustrating but OH SO WORTH IT. Much like the adoption process.

I am also trying to plan a trip out to the East to visit the girls' family. Never been there. Certainly can't go now where I'd probably freeze solid when we stepped off the airplane.

And so, I sign off for now friends, cross eyed with exhaustion.

On Their Way Home

After three trips and a few delays.......

Denise and David are on their way home with Evan. Yayyy!!!!!

Read about their journey here.

Birthparent Connection?

I rec’d an e-mail today. “T”, my intermediary in Russia sent me a scan of a two page letter from my youngest’s (EB) biological grandmother. At least I think it is from her. The letter is signed kisses-Baba (Grandma).

I sit at the computer with all my concentration centered on those lines of ink on paper. I can‘t read Cyrillic. I stare hard at the monitor, as if I‘m trying to inhale, digest or melt into the words. I know the translation will come in a matter of days yet I’m impatient. I crave some sort of connection, I can only imagine what Baba feels, what “V” (EB’s birthmother) feels. What would it feel like to have your child on the other side of the world, another family calling him son?

EB doesn’t seem to crave the connection as I do. He does smile, snuggle into my chest as I tell him that Baba “N” has written him a letter and show him the screen. He then slides off my lap and goes on playing dinosaurs.

I know what yearning feels like. I know what it felt to have him on the other side of the world, unable to fulfill his needs the way I knew only I could do to satisfaction. How does it feel to have a child you held in your arms for a year, a child you fed at your breast, just disappear from your life?

Are my letters an offering of some sort? Am I trying to stick a band aid on a broken heart? There are times I dream of going back to Vladimir to meet EB’s biological family. Isn’t it presumptuous of me to think that my physical presence could be a balm of some sort? That the “laying on” of my hands could heal them? Am I trying to “fix” these people?

Sometimes I want to take EB with me to Russia. I certainly won’t be able to take him back when he is of an age to be drafted into the Russian Army. That was the very first admonition of the officer at the Embassy. “Do not bring him back here after he is 16 years old. Do not let him come back until he is an older man.” How can you keep a grown man, a man in his late teens, early twenties from traveling to his birthplace, to his roots? I feel, that if I take him too soon it could be damaging. I mean, I talk to these people in letters translated by a third party. How can I discern their personalities, intentions and reactions by these disjointed interactions? But how can I force him into waiting until he is a man my own age, possibly with a young family of his own, to see his birthmother and birthfather again. What of his biological Grandmother? She will not be living by then, I know it. When we first gained contact with them, EB carried a picture of his “Baba” in his pocket until it fell apart.

Am I projecting MY feelings onto these people (including my son)? Am I?